Funeral Negotiators 281-357-0195
Funeral Negotiators  281-357-0195

The Dumbest Thing You Can Do



       “I can educate you about funeral planning, find you the best deal, and show you how to get the most reasonable funding for a funeral.”


       “But the most important part is missed by too many families. The consequences are absolutely devastating.”





Kenneth C. Lambert

Owner, Funeral Negotiators


8819 Sedgemoor Drive, Tomball, TX 77375-5101





After reading this pamphlet,

you will not be able to claim ignorance.





Long ago I listened on the radio as a famous evangelist described his experience in the hospital after a heart attack.  He wanted to be released from the hospital. Then the doctor informed him, “You don’t realize how serious this is. You might not make it through the night.”


He had difficulty sleeping after that conversation. Then he thought of his earthly father who had passed away years before.  He imagined his Dad waiting in Heaven and shouting, “Come on up here, Son.  There is this little planet in the corner of the universe. Let’s go explore it.”


For a Christian (someone who has a relationship with Jesus Christ), we look forward to Eternity in Heaven.  We anticipate with joy --- seeing loved ones again.


But for someone who dies without a personal relationship with Jesus, their only destination is Hell -- forever, with no remedy.  It will be the most unfortunate and tragic event that no one can remedy.  It’s the absolute Truth.





The most stupid thing you can do?


Let yourself, or a loved one, pass away without a relationship with Jesus.  This unthinkable tragedy is preventable.  Not thinking about it, won’t change it.







“If only I had listened! I’ll never see my loved ones again. Why didn’t someone tell me about this place?”


Someone just did.



People have many misconceptions about God, Heaven, and Hell:


“Hell is not real, only a figure of speech used in parables.

“A loving God would never send anyone to Hell.”

 “There is plenty of time to make a decision.”

“Everything will work itself out when we get to Heaven.”


Before I discuss these four misconceptions, you need to realize something:


The Bible clearly states that Heaven is exclusive.

There is only One Way to Heaven,

But there are many ways to Hell.


Jesus Christ stated: “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but by Me.”   Jesus means “No one!” No one, but Christians with a personal relationship with Jesus.


But Christianity is also inclusive. Anyone is accepted into the Christian Faith regardless of their race or culture.   The only requirement to become a Christian is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, the God of the Universe.


A relationship with Jesus Christ guarantees you a place in Heaven, forever.  Without a relationship with Jesus Christ before you die, your only destination is Hell. And it is forever, with no remedy once you die.


Since I know it to be true, the most horrible thing I could do would be to not tell you and let you go on your merry way and not interfere in your life and let you go to Hell.


Suppose I knew that around a mountain curve, the road was  destroyed in a land slide.  The road ends with a 2000 foot drop straight down to certain death. I decide that it is not my business to interfere. As I am walking back down the mountain, I decide not to warn the drivers and let them plunge to their deaths. Now imagine the families who would love to get their hands around my throat when they found out I knew and did not tell.


I know something far worse than falling off that cliff: Eternity in Hell.


Well, maybe I shouldn’t say anything. I really do not want to offend anyone.  The only problem is that my conscience will not let me rest because:

I know that Heaven and Hell are real,

just as real as the Earth itself.


First Misconception:


“Hell is not real, but a figure of speech used in parables.”


Liberal theologians will have a tough time defending this garbage on judgment day.


Throughout the New Testament, Jesus mentions Hell many times. He is very specific:


-  “Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in Hell.” Matthew 11:28


- “They will be thrown into the fiery furnace where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Matthew 13:42


- “…It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into Hell, where the fire never goes out.”

Mark 9:45


- “I will show you whom you shall fear. Fear Him, who after killing the body, has power to throw you into Hell.”

Luke 12:5


And who can forget Jesus’ description of the rich man in Hell who pleads with Abraham for his brothers to “…let him warn them so they will not also come to this place of torment.”  Luke 16:28


Hell is a real place.


There are many other passages where Jesus mentions Heaven and Hell.  How much more specific does He have to be? What part of “Hell” do you not understand?  What part of “No One?”


The Lie versus The Truth:


“What is Hell really like? It can’t be that bad.”


Many people joke about Hell. “Who wants to go to Heaven where you can’t do anything fun?”


Hell is often  characterized as a place where naughtiness and indulgence will continue, but with some discomfort. “It’s livable. It’s hot, but you can get use to it. You have to take the good with the bad.”   





The Truth: What Hell  is really Like


Imagine diving off a high board into a cool swimming pool on a hot summer afternoon. As you spring into the air and start to descend, you suddenly realize the cool water is now a large, piping hot lasagna, that someone just pulled from the oven.  You know, the kind that is so hot you need two pot holders to pick up the pan.  But it is too late.  You’ve already started down. You are going to dive into that steaming, unbelievably hot swimming pool filled with lasagna.


You think, “I am going to die a horrible death.”  But you are not going to die. You are going to live forever in that place of eternal torment.  The lake is actually much hotter than the lasagna.  Jesus said, “…and the angels will throw them into the fiery furnace where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Matthew 13:42.




If you believe there is no Hell,

then you better darn well be right!


Second Misconception:


“A loving God would never send anyone to Hell.”


We just can’t fathom that the Loving Jesus Christ would actually send anyone to Hell.


You must also understand that Jesus is God. God became man to show us how to live our lives. Jesus Christ was fully God and fully Man.  Phillip asked Jesus, “Show us the Father.”  Jesus responded, “Don’t you know Me? How can you say, ‘Show us the Father?’ I and the Father are One.  Whoever has seen me has seen the Father.”


The God of the Old Testament is the same God of the New Testament.

Many Christians miss this important point. God never changes.


The God of the Old Testament destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah with fire and brimstone because of their sin and wickedness. He kept a whole generation of Israelites from entering the Promised Land because of their unbelief. He destroyed thousands in earthquakes. He almost destroyed all mankind in the Flood. This same God will eventually banish Satan and unbelievers to everlasting Hell. “They will be tormented day and night forever and ever.” Revelation 20:10


Jesus is the God of Love.


But as the God of Justice and the God of Truth, He will not abide sin.  He is Truth.

And the Truth is that there is a Heaven and a Hell and no place in-between. 


Satan does not run Hell, God does.


God does not send unbelievers to Hell.

 They send themselves by rejecting Jesus Christ.


Third Misconception:


“There is plenty of Time.”


This is one of Satan’s greatest lies:  “You can live your life the way you want to and do what you want and get your life straightened out before you die later.”


Unfortunately, some of you  may have a car wreck on the way home.  You may not get a second chance.


It is amazing that families will have life insurance, car insurance, fire insurance, etc.  But the one thing that will definitely happen, they skip over it and dismiss it as not important right now.  “I’ll worry about it later.”


What is more important? Encouraging your family to wear their seatbelts, or making sure they avoid the fires of Hell? 


Having plenty of life insurance, or making sure they have real Fire insurance? 


The greatest fire insurance policy

I know is the saving grace of Jesus Christ.


Can you imagine living in a home without fire insurance?  You worry about it. You talk about it. You state that you are going to go see the insurance agent.  You talk about it, but you never do anything.  You are not protected until you purchase the insurance policy.


You can know about Christ, know about Heaven, and know about Hell.

But you are lost until you do something about it.



If you die without accepting Christ as your personal Lord and Savior,

your only destination is Hell.    Forever.


Fourth Misconception:


“Everything will work itself out when we get there.”


No, it will not!


There will not be another chance.


 Hell will be full of souls with excuses for how they got there.  And none of them will be their own fault.


Many approach retirement the same way.  Maybe you did. “Things work themselves out.” They do, but most retirees live on social security alone. No way to live!


Heaven and Hell will not work themselves out to your advantage

if you are not a believer in Jesus Christ.


Remember, Jesus said, “I am the Way … No one comes to the Father but by Me.”   If on the day you die, Jesus says, “Depart from me, I never knew you…”, then your only destination will be Hell.  “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” Matthew 25:46





The Bible cannot be more clear.


Things will not work themselves out to your advantage – period.



“It is too late for me.”


You may be thinking, “It is too late for me.  I am not a believer.  I’ve always done what I wanted. I made fun of Christians.  I looked at Christians as idiots. I opposed their views.  Who were they to tell me how to live?” 


“God can never forgive me. I’ve done too much. Besides, there is not enough time to straighten out my life.”


How much time did the thief on the cross have to straighten out his life? Yet Jesus said to him, “Today, you will be with me in Paradise.”


On his deathbed, my uncle was led to the Lord by my Dad.  My uncle loved my grandmother and took care of her for 30 years.  Even though every day he witnessed the Christian life of my grandmother, he would not become a believer. As he was lying on his deathbed with spinal cancer, my Dad was prompted by the Lord to go see him and try to persuade him one last time.


Just before walking into his brother’s hospital room, my Dad could not stop thinking of his mother.

 “Jay, you really loved Momma, didn’t you.”

“Charlie, you know I did.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to see her again?”

“I’d give anything to see her for just a few minutes.”


Dad then said, “Jay, you are never going to see Momma again.  She is in Heaven and you aren’t going there.”

“Charlie, I know that. I’ve screwed up too many times. It is too late for me.”

Dad countered: “It is only too late when you take your last breath. Then you will never see Momma again.”

Then Dad led his brother to the Lord.

Dad also had the opportunity to tell Jay’s drinking buddies about the Lord at his brother’s funeral.  At least they had another chance to hear the Good News presented.


As long as you have breath in your body, it is not too late to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and receive the free gift of Eternal Life in Heaven.


So you are convinced. You want to avoid Hell and want to spend Eternity in Heaven. What’s more, you want your family protected also.


On the following page are the simple steps necessary to change your life forever.


“What must I do to be saved?”


1.  Believe that Jesus Christ is God and that He died on the cross and paid the penalty for our sins.


2.  Recognize that apart from Jesus we are all sinners, separated from God by our sinful nature.


3.  Ask Jesus to forgive your sins.


4.  Make a decision to REPENT (or turn around) and leave your life of sin.


5.  Accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior. Ask Him to live in your heart and change your life.


Right now, where you are, pray this simple prayer:


“Lord Jesus, I know  I am a sinner and I do not deserve to be called by your Name.  I ask that you forgive me.  I repent of my sins and my sinful life.  I want you to live in my heart and change me into Your likeness.  I accept You, Jesus, as my personal Lord and Savior.  I want to be identified with you and live my life in a manner pleasing to you. In Jesus Name, I pray.  Amen.”



If you prayed this simple prayer,

Welcome to the Family of God.



 Jesus said, “I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly.” 



Jesus is not just talking about life in Heaven.

You can have a full and meaningful life right now.

I know, because I do.



With Jesus at your side,

you will never be alone again.


 He will always be with you. He will never forsake you. He will guide and protect you. Jesus has the keys to life and death.  You have chosen life.


If you want to call me and talk more about this or if you still need convincing, I want you to call me at (281) 357-0195.


As an educator and  negotiator, I can save you thousands of dollars on the cost of funerals for your family.  I will ask you to pay me for this service which is 20 percent of what you actually saved, after you save the money.



But the greatest gift I can give you is absolutely free:


The Gift of Salvation and Eternal Life in Heaven.


Throughout this pamphlet, I have attempted to show you the consequences of rejecting Jesus Christ. If you choose to reject Christ, your name will not be found in the Book of Life on Judgment Day.  


The last words you hear will be “…depart from Me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”



You can never say, “No one told me!” No excuses!





A relationship with Jesus Christ is the most rewarding experience in Heaven and Earth.  You can have a full and meaningful life right now.  There are countless joys in the Christian walk.


Many are afraid to give Jesus Christ control of their lives. They are lost.  Their road map is confusing.  They don’t know where they are going.  But the Author of Life knows the Way.  Let Him do the driving.  Give Him the steering wheel of your life.


I know of no one who has ever regretted giving their life to Christ.


They have an eternal hope that no one can take away from them.  The have “Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine.”  And I am His.

The greatest Love in the universe was when God loved us and sent His Son to suffer a miserable death and pay the penalty for our sins.




“God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.”

John 3:16





When funeral homes and  cemeteries compete, families win.


For 19 years in Houston, and the United States, Ken Lambert, owner of Funeral Negotiators, has saved families thousands on the cost of their funerals. 


Funeral Negotiators charges a fee of 20 percent of what is saved as a result of our help. No savings = No Fee.


Ken  also asks that you give his organization the  opportunity to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with you and your loved ones.


Need a Guest Speaker?


We have a lot of funny stories about the funeral industry:

- The Aggie and the Funeral Salesman

- The 108 Year Old Bachelor Getting Married First Time

- Heavenly Bran Muffins

- The $34,000 Memorial Stone


We speak to Sunday School Classes, Churches, Civic Groups, Rotary, CPAs, Attorneys, and Service Groups. 

To schedule us  to speak  Call 281-357-0195



Need information on selling your cemetery property?

Call The Houston Cemetery Property Cooperative  at 281-380-2238.




Need Help planning a funeral?


Funeral Negotiators can help. Families experiencing a sudden death have priority over families seeking pre-planning advice. We help both families.

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